L.I.V.E YOUR OWN W.A.Y

175th post a.k.a last post

2010-07-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

peeps~~ i had moved to a new blog,

http://kaoriheart-bloggie.blogspot.com

relink me there and don't mind to drop me a message for me to link you guys~~

love,

elaine~

blogskin

2010-06-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

aiksss....looks like it's time to change my blogskin...><

haiz

2010-06-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

managed to steal some time to type something here. i dont know will anyone be bother, but i do.
i don't know what or why i am turning like tis..i just cant find the selfishness that are needed now.
im scare of making friends now...especially guys. im afraid...im afraid people take me more than just a friend. im worried that i might have drive them into some hell-stop.
like what dearie had said to me. he say, guys wanted to find me cause of one thing...to be more than friends. i suddenly recall what albee had told me before. she doesnt want to treat a guy nice coz, whenever she just care a little about them, they will eventually drive her crazy with those likeness and blah blah blah.
honestly, im confused with everything around me. i found out something that have been seriously kept away from me. i cursed myself for being idiot and look for the answer. now, im fully filled with guilt and my head is spinning round.
this is not the ending i want...why on earth do i have to hurt everyone? i somehow wish i have the look when im in form1 where im nerdy, ugly and dumb gal with no one to love and care...arent life more beautiful that way?

done with my 1st sem

2010-05-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

finally, i no longer known as junior...>< well, sort of...
finished all the exam today and i just cant bring myself to rest. i just screwed up everything.. i study darn hard for it yet, nothing came to my mind when im facing the paper..argh!! feel like crying there..im just pray that i can pass...i cant afford to resit the two paper...TT

thought of giving full update today but, i think it's gonna be drag till some other day.... ^^

stop the pain

2010-05-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

STOP TREATING ME THAT GOOD! i just totally dont deserve it! ITALY and HOLLAND are not meant on me! im hurting deeply when u tried to pretend happy, im hurting badly when i could not bring myself for you and im just hurting badly for not able to give you back what you want.
~~just give me the damn lifeless heart. let me have a soul and not a heart. let me endure numbness rather than pain. hurt me rather than helping me. kill me, rather than spare me.~~
~~its hurt when seeing your message. and, it kills when i just cant move my hand to press the DELETE button. what the heck is wrong with me?!~~

materialistic

2010-05-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

suddenly come to this word and remind me of what you have said. why did you broke up with your rich boyfriend? why didn't you accept that rich fella?

i was dissapointed when you threw that out to me. do i act like i live on materials? i live on my own life in which i was proud to have it. i dont like to be pamper with gifts and money. it makes me feel so..so...so...cheap. i like to be pampered with love and attention. that's all.

honestly, i cant blame you for that.. many gals nowadays live on it. materialistic. making themselves feminine and pretty to get those attention. thats why i never class myself as gal. im taking myself more to guy-self, gal-body. not lala but lamo...(*lamo is a new term i create myself...it's lala and emo yet nt the overdo point*)

just some post to talk about. just cant get the conversation out of mind..urgh!

hmmmmm

2010-05-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

hmmm......about time to update...i was studying actually but, i just decided to write something for a moment...so-called self release...
tomorrow exam and i was half way there...ok...maybe half way to half way...but, whatever!! im not the study type of person so, its a miracle that i actually read through all the web contents! hmmmm
received call from my cousin from penang and she was throwing questions about my relationship stuff. well, she's not the first one actually. she was right. i just have to face it.i cant hide it forever. she was thinking of breaking up as well.well, to say, we both share the same problem...almost i guess...

im trying to heal. really am.. i wanted to delete all the messages, our promise, our love but im always stuck there..i cant do it. i try to distract myself but it just wont work. what the hell was wrong with me? i keep telling myself, he's not ur first guy! you got into so many rship before and u can just put it on rest easily. but why cant i do it now? well, an answer to my thought. he's the first guy i love till the bottom of my heart. whenever i saw the word ITALY and HOLLAND, i thought of our memories.
~~i praised myself for not crying that frequent anymore. i felt a little proud for it. girl, you are stepping out of it.~~

someone told me that i was the only person he trust to tell out all his secret and things he was doing without anyone knows. before these periods, i will be very proud and happy to hear it, but, i dont. i feel like a failure cause, i dont have the strong will to listen and share.i was hanging on myself rather than anything.

2010-05-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

~~many people dont trust me, dont believe whatever i say..~~

~~but i just let it be..~~

~~but why are u one of them??~~

~~i trust u for everything...~~

~~cant u at least ask?~~

~~after all we gone through?~~

~~is it just tat simple?~~

~~that lifeless?~~

~~im in pain again.~~

~~i promised i try not to update an emo post..~~

~~but i cant help it..~~

~~sorry..~~

~~tears that are dried up seem to flood back in me..~~

~~i dont mind being called as a liar or what~~

~~im tired of people commenting.~~

~~i no longer who im suppose to be~~

urgh!!!!

2010-05-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

argh!!!! i totally screw up my 25marks!!! TT
had a presentation today and i shud have did better if i dun rely on my papers and do more preparations. sigh. hoping for better improvement in myself soon...

~~heart aching. by the time im free its coming back to me. i wonder how long can i survive in this pain. it hurts even more when i knew many people are treating me good. i don't deserved it.~~
many are treating me as if i deserve it. but at times, i don't wish i been treated like this. im afraid that once i rely on it, it will be taken away from me. im afraid of loosing things around me. i wish i could stop gaining thus i wont be loosing much. yikes... somehow, i think im gonna hate attention that i once used to love

update

2010-05-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

it have been some time since i update..*maybe just few days*
busy with assignment which are piling up my brain and managed to kick 3 out of 5 away...
had my 1st presentation which was made without any preparation...cool right? even the slide were made last minute in philosophy class and the final touch was during presentation.
works are the only thing that can make me distracted. yet, now i got problem with my part time job in bangsar. headache on the upcoming financial problem.
today, i don't know to declare it as coincident or what. 2 pairs of couple had broke up with the same reason and about the same time. yet, it surprise me when the two guys can still talk and joke like normal. im curious whether are their emotions real or fake. i don't really have a clue. even my own feeling were hard for me.

it have been days since i last spoken to him. i keep throwing the pain out from my head. i woke up early, went to college, came back, bath and ate before having a nap, woke up at 9+ and start my work till late at night and straight went to sleep. my time were so packed that i don't allow myself to think. but, no matter how i resists, i still miss him. i still think of him whenever i flashes back to our memories that couldn't die in me. dearing..i just miss u but i couldn't bring us back to what we are. i dont have the courage and strength.

2010-05-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

~~the feeling sucks...~~

~~im not any better than you...~~

~~im not doing great as well but im trying..~~

~~im bleeding inside but do you care?~~

~~do you know about it?~~

~~all you know was how hurt and depressed you are...~~

~~but, please, think of me.~~

~~why i did this.~~

~~why i forced myself to make such a hurtful decision.~~

~~how many times i had cry but do you know that?~~

happy birthday to mua!

2010-05-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

hehe...finally the childish immature elaine kum turned 18!!! so-called legal right now. haha...
although didn't do much celebration this year, but, i have many surprise for it... MARCH PSYCHO make a surprise celebration for me, daddy bought me a new phone and gor get me a teddy bear!!! thank you guys!!!

received alot wishes from facebook, msn and sms...thank for the wishes!!!

~~have been waiting for the whole day for a sms from him...but, i think im gonna be dissapointed...~~

suprise

2010-05-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Went to MidValley with some of the MARC PSYCHO today...went to take ktm with jess and siong and ended up taking about an hour to reach there..got confused by the route and got sweaty all over. and, i fpund out that ktm have the ladies section where only ladies can enter...and, ktm isn't that bad after all...>.<

reached mv and headed to PIZZA to meet the other gang. met sharyl's friend there, teh. they had ordered foods for us and i eventually regretted asking my mom to fried rice for me...>.< albee keep shoving me with food and made me sit at one special corner...feel like a special guess or something...>.<

eat till half way, albee asked susila to accompany her to toilet. at first, i wanted to follow but she don't let. she asked me to finish my food first. and, guess what!!! ALBEE AND SUSILA CAME OUT WITH 2 MOOSE AND CANDLES ON IT!!! OMG!!! they made me cry... *sobs*

they sang the sweet birthday song and, thanks to the whole candle sticking idea, i have to use my mouth to pull 2 candles out from it...lucky they decided not to push my head down...

non stop photo taking caremony... i steal some from jess album in facebook to share...

and.....we watch IP MAN2 and it was super nice!!! awwww... great outing guys!!!

making my wish

everyone take turn to pose feeding me

siong

sharyl

susila

albee acted like my mom

staring at each other

peace

MARCH PSYCHO

toilet shoot

choking albee

{credit to Jess camera}

p.s// LOVE U GUYS!!!!

update

2010-05-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

i don't know whether is this turning in to a habit now...i keep writing emo post and it eventually calm me down...*sry to people who got frustrated with those post* im giving myself time till the 10th to stop emoing...hope i can do it...>.<

im getting better now...trying to break record on not crying tonight...wish me luck!!!

not much to update...cant wait to go mv with MARCH PSYCHO!!!

love~

dark

2010-05-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

i was alright throughout the day. i had tried turning my concentration on my sketch book, the only thing i can released myself now. i tried to ignore all those voices around me by plugging in the earphone with super loud voice. i tried to read all the single lines the music rang. i really thought im okay.

in the evening, i recieved a call from jason and eventually hang up. i smsed him back at 8 sth and realised he broke up with maine. or, more specific, maine broke up with him. i called maine and realise, we both are in the same shoe. no matter how much i try to concentrate, my head flew back to us. i tried to control my tears. i got to do it. i've been stop crying since yesterday. i cant break it.

foods, movie, online...i did everything...and, just the moment im all alone in the room and it's dark, the pain came back. the vision came haunting me. his pm was hurting. everything, it's like a needle through my heart. not only one but thousands and millions of it. i wanted to stop the pain...i wanted to look for my scissors and returned back to the darn habit. honestly...im still searching for it. wishing i can somehow found it.

i started to fear the night...it's scary and the silence...it's killing me...the pain...
my tears..i just cant control it...it's flooding in me...

Healing

2010-05-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

my heart still ache and last night, i really cried badly...real bad...i was hugging myself on my bed and pour my heart out. but, honestly...although the crying was bad, i managed to make myself sleep for the whole night.

i really thank all the friends which i actually had negleted cares and be there for me...thank you guys especially marcus and jeremy...i was touched...love you guys...and i wont forget how caring you guys are even when i take some of u as jerks who love to play me...TT

my mood getting better although the vision do come back..bu, im confident enough to tell myself, i can get over it since i'm the one who decided to go this way...

just realised sth...my bday is about 6 more days to go

Sorry

2010-05-01T03:23:00.000-07:00

I've been ignoring every single message i received and every comment on facebook and msn since my relationship status in facebook being changed. i know there's alot from people who cares. i just not ready to face everyone yet. not now.

it feels bad, to decided to leave the person you love behind. leaving him is bad and traumatic to me. but the decision had been made by myself. im the one who wanted to end all of it. i can only blame myself for causing all this misery to me and him.

i can hide no where...i desperately wanted to cry my lungs out but i can't...im just stuck here

it's the end...

2010-04-30T02:25:00.000-07:00

after all this struggling, i just cant make it. i failed it again. i hurt the person i love again. all this while, it's a mistake and i really don't want to give this love up. but, i cant carry this any longer. i had lost myself..my true self. just like what Terrence had ask me. "Where's the crazy hyperactive Elaine i know?" i just say that she's dead. she's really dead.

memories that aren't meant to be forgotten seems to be fading away. i miss the time when everything is more than just fine. i miss him and i gave up many things for him. friends, me and myself. but, it's just not enough. no matter what, i can't give him what he wants the most. ~~security~~. and ~~trust~~. i'm a failure. just fail to be a good partner.
i wasn't in the right condition to be in a relationship now. it's just will ended up heart broken and stabbing of wounds. i should not have follow what i feel at the first place. all the time i follow what i see but because of him, i let my feel rules. a bad decision...returning back to him. i love him, i really do...but it just don't make it.

Quan~
i'm sorry... i know u wont waste ur time reading this. but if u eventually passes by here, this is what i have for you..
what i can say i already try to explain in sms..i cant talk to u coz it will be bad..things wont be corrected. everything that happen, i can't blame it all on you. my fault for this. i just can't take up any more stuff in me. you can't be my priority in everything. i got to tell you, i take back my thinking. money is important. even me now can't live without money. and, our temper really cause everything right now. i just feel it's the time to put it to rest for a moment. i'm not the right one for you. i still love you but i can no longer promise u anything.

~~things have been falling apart for me. i cant recall who i once was. i looked into the mirror and i saw KAORI instead of ELAINE.~~
~~who am i? what am i? what the HELL am i doing here?! it's pathetic and it's just sad. i want to be myself. i miss ELAINE yet, im used to be Kaori.~~
~~the pain in me..it's hurtful..but i got no choice...i cant stand the pain...i feel like jumping down from my condo to end all this...~~

~~disappearing from the crowd for a few days...that's the only thing i can do...~~

DIE

2010-04-25T00:02:00.000-07:00

time really passed very fast. in just a blink of eyes, it's the last week of the month. i've been in SEGi for about a month already. well, i love everyone there and the bonding among us are great!

assignment are all up on my brain...thinking when can i just drop everything down. all of a sudden, i miss SENTOSA life. wish i can be back there. TT

now, my life is all about satisfaction. nothing much different from hunting for money and attention. i just wish, everything can go back to the time when i can make a better and right decision. i often wonder how my life will be if i didn't do that decision and more..

Netbook!!

2010-04-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

went to PC FAIR in KLCC and unexpectedly, i bought a netbook!!! thanks to my mom...thank thank thanks you so so so so so much mummy!!! planning to meet up with some friends but failed...

just some short update. and, i just came out with a new term...LaMo!!! will tell u guys more about it next update! haha

latest update!!!

2010-04-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

work like hell!!! argh!!!! hectic week....assignment attack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Laine~

2010-04-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Weeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~ finally i got a new haircut...^^ so happy...i finally got to get rid a lump of hair right in front of my eyes. happy and glad actually. but, having the lump of hair out of my face is a nightmare. i actually spend RM37 on the darn head.

my mom asked me to try the new saloon at the giant there. ended up, my hair looked like SHIT! damn him.finally, we gone back to the previous saloon and get it all done. one bad news was, my hair was as short as the first time i had my haircut. sad!

went to pasar malam with chelle~ met kit and steve there as well. nearly wanted to find a fault with a gang of idiot assholes. all happened when we stop at a stall selling jeweleries. and, it's obviously are for GIRLS! 3 girls(from their group)..anyway, did i mentioned that the group of guys are indians and the girls are chinese? the three bitches not those pretty girls...they dont have the look at all! they keep pushing around and it's amazing the stall still stand still. i got frustrated when the guys are spending their very own sweet time with the girls earring and joking with the three girls.i just walked and stood by them. another guy by my right who is fat and short say EXCUSE ME that loudly and i just stared at him. he showed me sign that he wanted to pass. i was like wat the heck! nobody is behind me and yet he want me to step back for him. i just moved and keep staring hardly at him. guess what? he joined his friends and started the plan breaking the stall down.the boss was trying to keep the stall standing. kenny was giving warning saying if he got bang again, he gonna hit them. i wanted to join and thinking why wait...now also can start the caremony. i keep talking loudly beside them and stare back when they turned to look at me.finally they went off for real.

[b3for3] and [aft3r]

sienz

2010-04-13T03:14:00.000-07:00

IM BORED!!!!!!!

some yelling have to be done. tension even at home. those sounds and faces, i just feel like tearing it all apart...i barely able to concentrate my assignment. laptop was so huge and heavy, i cant just find a small place for it. i don't have own room to do my stuff and worst, i cant live in my house by my way. damn those bitches and asshole. aargh!!!! just tense...

thanks to my mom(i dun mean to put the fault on her) i lost two jobs. and say goodbye to my $$

i have to admit that i'm quite emo these few days...sorry bout it~ i will try to cheer up as soon as possible~

miss the time~

150th post

2010-04-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

today seriously not a day to me. slept late yesterday and ended up woke up at 12 today. stupid weather make me all sweaty and now, worse. got a feeling gonna sick soon. panadol on the way to my aid.
stupid laggy lappy! gone so slow today. gonna sream if i was given a chance. and the ~~asshole~~ beside me, im swear im gonna slap him soon. dang it!
it's like my head gonna explode soon. ~~FUCK~~ it! damn!!!!!!!

tired!

2010-04-09T04:58:00.000-07:00

had a tiring day yesterday. i can barely sleep for the night and suddenly, my dad woke me up early at 7 and my mom came in asking me whether i want to work or not. ended up, gone to work for the sake of that money which can help me up alot. work work work and got back home. for almost the whole day i feel full and can barely eat. at night, rushed for my assignment, and ended up gastric. any how, managed to finished it up at 1 a.m.

gone to study today and yeap~ enjoy my day there. laughed greatly at albee and the others. we watched a movie, SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION today. i great show that makes me feel wanna live in prison. XD anyway, we also got another individual assignment for it. during lunch, the whole adp march intakes junior went for lunch with the seniors by the side at mcd! almost the whole class is there, (march intake oni) cause, 4 people went missing. anyway, junior rawks! had class after that and realise, INTRODUCTION TO COMPUTER APPLICATION is a nightmare! during our break, all of us use the computer there wisely by logging into FACEBOOK.COM.!got a presentation on one of a topic and gonna present it on 14th of may. group up with yee siong and jess!

let's count, i now currently have 2 paper work assignments, and 1 presentation. another 2 are coming soon and it's gonna be a nightmare! argh!!! xD

again

2010-04-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

i never or, maybe seldom update my blog continuously. well, i did actually but ended up lazy to continue.

just got regretted. same thing happened again. for those who knew me well, you might knew what happened about 2 years ago on me and another friend. his name just appear on my blog and he started asking me to remove it. now, same thing happen. not to blame anyone, but it's again my fault. i should keep names away from here except for some of my really good friends. well, i dare to post their name widely and big here without having a second thought.

anyway, sorry ya for the you-know-who for the trouble i gave you. promised it won't happen again. >.<

suddenly, one of my ex find me back. funny when i think of him. he somehow got a curse around him. almost all his ex, including me cannot last for 2 weeks. well, i almost made it but, K.O! the time with him are fun and sad as well. (*psst~maine, u know what i mean huh?xD*)

sometimes, i wonder am i that irritating, annoying, and blah blah blah? i keep making people around me got pissed off or even irritated. should i keep my mouth shut? gosh! confusion, conflicts, con con con! go EMO la you ELAINE!!!! AGRH!!!

laziness kills

2010-04-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

this post is dedicated to my latest stalker, xXx a.k.a annoying, irritating, short, fat and old-underage senior who stalk me yet, make me feel i'm so so so much younger den him~ XD

well, that's just an joking-kind of opening paragraph for my senior. seriously, it's just a joke, no offense. if i did annoy or say anything wrong, i apologise first~ >.<

LAZINESS kills...so, take me as a role model! i'm not lazy~ seriously, i'm hardworking! i'm hardworking in delaying my time, homework. i'm hardworking at slacking, go to FACEBOOK.COM, SMS, chit chat and more more more~~~ see!!! told ya i'm hardworking! *winks*

back to my not-so-complicated-yet-it's-complicated life. i went back to work today and i really do miss all the workers there~ T__T i'm so afraid that my brain will rust out but lucky, it's still as fresh as normal~ WEEEEeeee~

assignment still left behind...sorry YEE SIONG! i'll work on it before thursday ends..

up to date~ 1 months and 3 more days to go for the big day!

[ mua ]

College!

2010-04-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

little sneak peak on my college main building's entrance. i got it from Mr.Google and i will get an original one if i can find the time to take picture of it.

my college life started last week. i swore i was about to post about it but, i'm lazy..sorry! the first subject we have to face is [INTRODUCTION TO PHILOSOPHY] . boring as it sounds, but, it actually is an interesting topic. got our very first 'warm-up' assignment to talk about philosophy. did it and got to know the whole class by now, although i got a little problem remembering their names. xD

can't really talk much since i'm still new there. will update more..

i hate april fool

2010-04-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

back here blogging, on the very first day of april which also means it's april fool day where people go around hunting and fooling people out. i received my first fool a day before april fool. dearie told me that he's going off to japan on may. i was like in a total shock that i almost cry. dang! later on he told me its just a joke! i was saying WTF to myself. worse, he asked me did i love him as much as last time when we were on the phone and i refuse to tell him what happened. well, i did cry badly.

sometimes, i really wanted to tell him badly that i do love him. much more than when we start off. i really do love him. he turned out to be a part of me. i value him more than anything else, but, he just can't feel it. i had change for him but yet, it's not what he wanted. i really wish time will go back to the time we knew each other, start all over again and continue faith in each other for better us. i knew part of the fault is on me. i hurt him before and i regretted it.

dear, no matter what, i am still yours and i really do love you..trust me please.

1st ever project

2010-03-24T22:51:00.000-07:00

ya ya ya...i made my mind..i'm going to start working and polishing my brain since it started to get rusted up since SPM became the reason i stop writing. (*okok! i know it's all craps...i just wanna spend the darn time typing while waiting for my facebook to reactivated again, thanks to the maintenance stuff*)

while waiting and updating my random blog, i'm chatting with ben as well..1 moron and 1 idiot talking random stuff...lolz~

damn it!! rain!!!!

*opss...i thought i should be updating bout my new project...aiks!!!*

ya...i'm working on chinese novel. gonna type it.. the title is 100 days of memories <一百天的回忆> . gonna be a sad story again~ xD

ya...going to my college tomorrow for the stupid orientation. my so-called free life gonna end again. class started next week with two stupid subject...argh!!!!!

thats all 1st...update soon~

funny!

2010-03-24T03:56:00.000-07:00

got this awesome picture from karyan's facebok album!!!

laugh out loud fellas!!!!

2010-03-24T03:47:00.000-07:00

well, i actually loveeeeeee this song very much.. well, besides the title part anyway.

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up

we're hiding behind skin that's too tough

how come we don't say I love you enough

till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come

we could make a feast from these crumbs

and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

so if your life flashed before you

what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start

lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

this is all we got and we gotta start livin it

every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

gotta live like we're dying

Yeah we got

86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies

who would you call with your last goodbye

should be so careful who we live fall out our lives

so when we long for absolution

there'll be no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start

lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

this is all we got and we gotta start livin' it

every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

gotta live like we're dying

[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/HnCT ]

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

while we got the chance to say

gotta live -- like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone

you never see a crash until it's head on

all these people right when we're dead wrong

you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start

lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

this is all we got and we gotta start livin it

every second counts on a clock that's tickin'

gotta live like we're dying

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

turn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying

live like we're dying

great song never ends...

check yes juliet

2010-03-20T03:05:00.001-07:00

go through some songs and found this song stuck in my head for some time. well, the whole song is like almost how i feel, sad, hyper, looking for freedom and more. sad and pathetic i know. anyway, just want to share the song woth you guys. CHECK YES JULIET, by, WE THE KINGS.

Check yes juliet

are you with me

rain is falling down on the sidewalk

i won't go until you come outside

check yes juliet

kill the limbo

i'll keep tossing rocks at your window

cause there's no turning back for us tonight

lace up your shoes

A O A O ah

here's how we do

run baby run

don't ever look back

they'll tear us apart

if you give them the chance

don't sell your heart

don't say we're not meant to be

run baby run

forever will be

you and me

check yes juliet

i'll be waiting

wishing, wanting

yours for the taking

just sneak out

and don't tell a soul goodbye

check yes juliet

here's the countdown

3...2...1... now fall in my arms

now they can change the locks

don't let them change your mind

lace up your shoes

A O A O ah

here's how we do

run baby run

don't ever look back

they'll tear us apart

if you give them the chance

don't sell your heart

don't say we're not meant to be

run baby run

forever will be

you and me

we're flying through the night

flying through the night

way up high,

the view from here is getting better with

you by myside

run baby run

don't ever look back

they'll tear us apart

if you give them the chance

don't sell your heart

don't say we're not meant to be

run baby run

don't ever look back

they'll tear us apart

if you give them the chance

don't sell your heart

don't say we're not meant to be

run baby run forever will be you and me

xoxo

2010-03-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

17/3/2010, a day i would keep it in my memory box till i die. well, i eventually made a visit to his house and met his family. gosh! i was super nervous and i keep thinking will his mom like me? what if his mom don't like me? before i went there, he and his friend drop me at giant and i managed to get a box of strawberry for his mom. (well he told me that his mom like strawberry). then, with his average driving skill, he drove me and my sis along with his friend to his house at puchong. then, went to his house and saw his other relatives there. his aunt and cousins. his mom and sister is still asleep and i was waiting nervously at the living room. gosh!!!! then, his mom woke up and saw me. i quickly hand her the strawberry, thanks to dearie's help. then, not long after that, i received a call from my mom and dad bout my cousin disappearance. feel sorry to make them take me back home in such a rush. TwT

anyway, i started to miss him badly. i wished he could make it to the party this sunday but i know it's impossible. my mom had know bout me and him and when my mom knew he's a hairstylist, my mom show dislike towards him. sigh... but, i'm confident enough on him that he will be able to make my mom changed her opinion towards him. ~~

{our memories}

i did it!

2010-03-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

finally, i passed my driving test..unbelievable i know!! haha...

woke up early in the morning and get ready for it...i can't really sleep throughout the night..what can i do? it's just too much! (*take spm also not that suffering*)

gone there and saw lots of people waiting for their turn. i got number 43 for it and i was like, OMG!!!!

saw many failed the parking test...nervous take over me! i text dear msg that i know he won't be reply. (*he's sleeping by the way*) haha..

i managed to get all done without mistake (*fuyoh!!!*) and when on the road, i was waiting liike hell. they didn't go according to the number! damn it! and, met two new friends there. benjamin and sing yee..^^ kind and friendly person.

on the road was super fake! the instructor beside me even help me when i at the slope. funny lah! haha..well, kind guy...thanks!^^

got back home and my darling chelle is on her way to the test. wish her all the best ya!

went back home in a super hungry state...xD ate, bath then, online! besides, i eedited some of dear's picture that is super nice! but, he keep saying he not leng zai~ TT

save the environment (so-called project)

2010-03-13T06:56:00.000-08:00

{idea from jason}

recently, or should i say since the early of the year, save the environment project had been held in such that we can see many malls are not supplying plastic bags on certain days. jusco, giant and even my working place, village grocer charge those who needs plastic bags. but, honestly, i don't think this whole save the environment idea will work. it will only make it even or might be worse.

working at a place where people always talked about, pity our mother earth, save the earth, don't use plastic and more, i think it's blah! guess what, even if you use paper bags, it doesn't mean you are saving the earth either. look, how did you get paper bags if you didn't chop down those poor little trees? and, every purchase you made, it's all cover in a substance called plastic that you are trying to get rid of. so, what's the point buying something that are covered in plastic then put it in the paper bag? it's just hurting the environment more!

recycle bag are made of substance that almost likely plastic. but, i prefer people using it rather than plastic and paper bags. at least it won't hurt the environment that much. instead of buying lots of stuff, why not organise your shopping list and bring more recycle bag so that you don't have to use plastics? and, 20 cents for a plastic is a joke for people. more charge are suppose to be given so that they would feel the unnecessary to pay that much for it. at least it's a form of punishment for wasting the plastic.

carpool was easy to be said then done. but, how on earth can everyone carpool when they live at different area, working at different place? save the environment is a good and great idea, but, a better plan should be worked out. the earth is facing great illness and people are not concern about it. respective people should let the people know that we will be greatly suffer if nothing is done. 2012 is a lesson people should realise and take action on. something must be done anyway.

~end~

tadaaa~~~~

2010-03-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

{mua love you}

yeap...got my results today and managed to get more than 5 credits. now, i guess i can have a good sleep at night now. ^^

met so many ex-schoolmates today. damn my stupid phone for causing me unable to take pictures with them. anyway, i managed to get some with their phones. cant wait for them to tag me later! *winks*

tomorrow is the last day of work. i dont think i can concentrate working. gonna keep taking pictures with everyone to keep it as the best memory ever!

i guess that's all first. anyway, using google chrome now and it rawk! haha~ ^^

love ya~

=D

2010-03-03T00:43:00.000-08:00

decided to officially update my blog....haha...i know it's too dead... now giving first aid to retrieve it's life back!

mua

well, time have been playing jokes with me recently. just a blink of an eye, now it's march already. by next week, i will be quiting my job there. and, guess what? it will be officially 2 months and 1 day mua working there fast huh? by then, chelle will be reeplacing me there till june.

i guess i'm officially a SEGi student. got into KL branch. actually, i should be in subang but my parents insists me going there. now, somehow, they regreted and put the blame on me...-- anyway, class going to start at 22nd of march. looking forward for it...gonna go job hunting once my time is fixed.

my driving lesson sucks. i seldom drive so cant blame me. well, the uncle say i got to attend another two more class before i can take the exam. anyway, having my exam on 16th of march! wish mua luck!

yay!! my mom cooked my favourite dish today! i dun feel like eating but, no matter what, i'm gonna stuff myself with it! weee~~~

tats all first la...

buaix!

editing stuff

2010-03-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

recently got into editing stuff and it's really fun!

[picture from chelle]

[last few years picture]

[took it on the penang bridge]

{last but not least, picture of myself!}

Mua in Penang now

2010-02-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

hey!!!! yaya...my blog finally back to life...claps please humans~ (*if non-humans are reading as well, then, give me your way of clapping then... TQTQ!!!*)

well, thanks to my beloved lexy honeh~she wanted an update, so, here am i!!!

LEXY HONEH~MUA LURRRRRRRVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE YA!!!!

okay...back to the topic..*ahem*

before CNY, i went for 5A9 1st gathering and it was super FUN!!!!miss them so so so much...many didn't turn out that day...my dearest choy yi was one of them...sadzzzzz!!!!!

the one BIG family!!!!!

hmm..then, the day before i left KL for PENANG, i met up with my BABy~weeee~~

a special day for us and a early VALENTINE's DAY celebration as both of us will be far far far away..imagine me at penang while he at jb..sad huh?

our sweetest memory

now, mua at penang with different clothing style..will post here....gua..haha...not sure..but, facebook?yeap!!!some are there already!!!wooohooo!!!!

so, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!

HIM

2010-01-22T05:04:00.000-08:00

Who could ever imagine such a thing will happened to me?

Finally, i met him in person. Nobody can describe my feeling. I really didn't expect him to show up at my working place. After so long, i finally can see him face to face. But, i can't meet up with him as his lover.

I didn't expect him to appear at hiestand. He called me and started asking bout my work. After that he ended up telling me he might come to bangsar village to accompany his friend. I thought he might just joke with me or maybe he really came but won't be stopping by. But, frankly, i was shaking. My chest feel loaded with pressure and my hands are shaking. I can't concentrate while working. Hell!

I kept searching for excuses to go out from the bakery. First, i say i wanna go toilet. then, i followed Lina (my colleague) to the store and later again, tag with her to change money. I keep looking around for him and i was super stupid for not asking what he wear. After that, i received message from him. He told me that he saw me twice and i didn't saw him. I was stunned when he told me i actually just pass by him by his face. I start to blame myself for my unnecessary stupid-ness. I went back to work and when there are no customer, i jump out to have a look around. Still i can't spot him at all. I gave up hope and start working. Suddenly, i saw him in the shop. I quickly make a lame excuse saying i'm going to toilet and rushed out to meet him.

The feeling was excited until, my hands are shaking. I gotta keep it in my pocket to prevent any embarrassment. His friend left us alone and we start talking and walking. Honestly, my heart ache. His look are dull. Both of his eyes are red. He told me he didn't sleep for the whole night. Again, i blame myself. Why must i be a pig to not realise his weirdness when he message me yesterday night? Yet, i can't go back to the time. I help it close to myself. He looked lifeless and i keep blaming myself for all these. But, decision had made. I can't see myself walking back. I need time to sort things out. 1 year is a minimum time i gave myself cause i felt, it's not enough for me.

Slowly, we walked back to the place. Linda(the supervisor a.k.a my neighbour) suggest i treat them with something. I thought of latte, the drink that i just graduate. Made two for them and due to my over-excited mood, i can't make a perfect one. Hand it to them and he want to pay. I rejected and he suggest that i choose some bread for myself and he pay for me. Again i rejected. I don't want to add burden to him. Besides, the worker there can eat/taste the bread there for free. So why bother to buy it with money?

Before i went back, he keep asking me to take pictures with him. I wanted to say yes but i stop myself. I don't want to take picture with him. I want him to come again to take a better picture. I don't know why but, i felt i can see him more if i keep dragging the picture taking 'ceremony'. Finally, i gave in. Took two pictures with him and eventually got addicted to it. I kept looking at those pictures and i just cant look away. The vision of him keep circling in my head. I want him there badly but i just can't.

i wish i can meet up with him again. begging god for that~

~ memories that aren't meant to be forgotten ~

Back!

2010-01-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry ya, for keeping the blog damn dead..Not my fault! Don't blame me! Blame my laziness...XD

Okay~lets see...i found a job at Bangsar Village as a part-timer. Planning to work till i start my college~ going SEGI SUBANG for ADP. Might be going for march intake.

Went for the amali today. Dead boring.

Promise i will talk more in the next post. Running out of time..SORRY!!!

My Luck

2010-01-10T02:22:00.000-08:00

Quick! Congrates me!! Why? I managed to pass the exam with only 5 wrongs. A good result for a last-minute person like me. Woke up super early in the morning. My alarm rang at 6 a.m but i continue sleeping until my mom suddenly called me up. Overslept for half an hour. Rushed to clean myself and make a last minute preparation to check that i brought everything that i need there. Uncle Lim arrived at my house with three other people behind me. Sat there and while fetching us to Bangi, he gave us a pop quiz and it freak me out cause i can't think of the answer. Quickly, i grab my book out and start reading it. Wow. Honestly, i never study that much for SPM. Weird huh?

Waited there for more than two hours. Take a place and and managed to get in the hall earlier. Got to computer no.6 and start answering. I was freaking nervous at the first time and my hands are shaking. I just worried that i can't pass that exam and gotta pay another RM50. Redo and check several times to ensure no silly mistakes like, left turn and right turn, u-turn and so on. After bout 20 minutes, i finished the whole thing and try to check for my results. Super dumb computer was so lag that i got to wait for so long for the results to be printed on the screen. I saw it and i was hunting for the word, LULUS. Found it and super happy+dissapointed cause i saw 42/50 on the screen. I thought i just pass on the border line. *sigh~

Went out and hand the lady over my IC. She printed the paper for me and this time, i read it clearly. I was so suprise that i don't get 42 for it. I got 45 for it!! I wanted to shout but take it back. I don't want to be in the centre of attention. Not now. Went to take a picture and i surely looked ugly..TT there, i met the three person who sat the same car as me. I remember the guy's name. Tai Jia Yi. Tai Xing Yi's cousin. Talk alot and found out they are super rich. [==]

Went back awhile then go out for my first meal of the day. Lunch. Then, went shopping. Suddenly, my right eyes got super red. Quickly took my contack out and wore my specs. Became a nerd for a day. HAHA~ bought a suit of clothes and seriously, i don't have the mood to shop.I've been walking sround and i guess i know the reason why. Lack of sleep. Fall asleep several times in the car and keep yawning..sad right?

Great news. Got a work at a bakery shop. Don't ask me where. I tottally forget the place name. Having bad memory recently and that gonna freak me out. Got a quite good pay for it..haha... Things had started to go well. My next target is my college. No time for relationship this time. I don't think i'm ready for it yet. Anyway, time for me to grow up! So what if i'm single? I can fend myself up! Just want to grow up now.

Time to go~ Update soon~

Signed;
elaine

STAR Edu Fair

2010-01-09T04:06:00.000-08:00

gor hand kacau oni

Participate in the STAR edu fair at KLCC today... Lucky gor was free to fetch me there. (*thanks gor!*) Later on, stupid Kritz joined us and cause me waiting for him for 10 minutes...grrr~~

Woke up early in the morning (10 a.m) and start dragging my time till 10.30 a.m. have a bath, breakfast and get ready for my bro to come and fetch me. I ended up late cause he came early to fetch me. Running down and saw his car there. Enter it and gave him a smile that he missed for so long..^^

Later on, gor fetch me to shabu-shabu for lunch. Thanks bro for the treat! Eat till damn full~^^~ later on, straight go KLCC. At first he scared me cause he don't know the way to KLCC. Lucky got a GPS in his car. PHEW! went there and saw super big hall with so so so so many booths there. Bet i'll be busy with those stuff there already.haha

Went for Segi booth first. I got to get my mind clear off with the questions that bug me. Lucky to a guy there named, Jeff, i got my mind sort out already. Accompained by my bro, we went everywhere there until Kritz messaged me and made me waited for him for 10 minutes long. UNBELIVABLE!!!! GRRR~

Start walking from the 1st hall. Been asking around. Bro ask for design while Kritz asked for aviation course. me? i was looking for mass comm~then, i got hyper again and you cant blame me for that. Imagine two cruel person bully the innocent and weak me (*wakaka*). After walking for so long, we decide to walk at the garden there and i got into my mood. CAMWHORE!!!

gor and me

gor, me and kritz

kritz and me

piggy

went back home early to prevent my mom from freaked out. She heard a news from my dad bout church being boomed. At the end, i found out gor got more booklet den me..haha...

decided to go segi subang for ADP. might be taking double major on communication and management...weee~~~ =D

Hurted

2010-01-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

Tears rolled down with the heart broken feeling. The pain on the chest was unberable. Yet, it was because of a wrong decision made earlier. Holding up the guts and fear, another strong decision was made. A hard and strong hurtful idea was voiced out. Leaving the loves one and going through the solo world again is a must now. No matter how much the heart pleaded, how much the eye shed its tears, and how much the heart ache, the determination for that decision had already made with no returns. Somehow, a positive point of view came to gave support. Freedom was returned and burden was lifted away. But, the mind was still somewhere out there. Time is needed to get over everything in the mind. Learning to be serious and matured in the relationship is a a must now. Hurting ownself or the other party is a sin for a pair of lovers. Holding up and learn how to appreciate and understand each other is the only way to allow long-lasting relationship. Time and experience are needed for it. Somehow, love is hurtful.

Signed;
elaine

L O V E

2010-01-07T20:36:00.000-08:00

=>The four letters word seem to be easy to be said and done nowadays. All you gotta do was to stare with passion with the one you love and say it as if you meant it from your heart. It happens almost everyday on every couple but, does anyone of you wonder why it's hard to last it forever? It's actually a simple concept but, not everyone can actually see the whole thing until it's too late.

=>LOVE was easy to spell. But, i might got a different view of the simple L O V E letters that combined into a word. As all of us know, LOVE is spelt with the letter L first followed by O and V before they end with E. For me, to actually spell LOVE, we gotta begin with L and before reaching E, one got to go through O and V. Wondering what am i crapping bout? For me, each letters got different meaning.

=>Start with L. L stands for luck and like. To meet your loves one, everybody needs luck. If he or she was the perfect one, it's definitely luck was on your side. Meeting that somebody will drag the like-feeling and eventually will came in command. The last letter, E, stands for eternity and ending. But before reaching E, there are letters O and V between L and E.

=>O stands for original and opposite. When two people got together, they eventually realise the more inner and true self of each other. Opposite opinions from two different side eventually will cause miscommunication and danger for a relationship.Overcoming these two problems are a must to ensure long-lasting relationship.

=>The words V represents variety and vow. As time passes by, the pair will meet many other kinds of people and will eventually start comparing. This will happen when the chemistry between two people are not strong enough. Vow is a must for them to make in order to lead a happy relationship with loyalty. Passing through all this, they will face E, eternity till the end.

=>Love still a huge question whether the bond may ever last long or not. A great fall may hurt a person and eventually lost hope towards love. It will be hurtful thus great hope and care should be showered to a person. Love can be sweet and yet bitter as well. It will never be better if only a side worked hard for it. Character and mindset are the most important point to be cared of to deal with a relationship. Forcing yourself on a relationship that won't worked out even though you loved him or her is a burden that need to carry and ended up into suffering.

=>Ending of this bored article, i just want to conclude something. Love was never fair. Think properly before starting a relationship or else the one who love will ended up hurt. With only one side working and thinking bout the relationship will never work. Take time to think bout each other and showered them with care. Love is easy but complicated for many~

Signed;
elaine

Stilll Waiting

2010-01-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

oh my~

been waiting for two phone call since yesterday...one is bout the job interview and another is about the undang...wait wait wait...wonder what will it turned out~

things that happened around me don't really worked any better..i thought of 2010 might be better but, i don't think it will go anywhere. bout my freedom? i don't think it's gonna get any better...what can i say? my parents thought of everything for me but, do they know what i really want? i know i shouldn't be talking this craps here but, i need the space to voice out...

anyway, forget about the so-called sad stuff...not to care and don't wanna care as well...just wanna keep my blog alife...anyway, really nothing to update...life have been dull eversince i graduate...

A whole new look

2010-01-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

To celebrate 2010, here i am, with my whole new blog look!!!
comment ya!!!xD

Another Day

2010-01-05T21:22:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER DAY

here i goes..another dull day..

i seriously miss school days, the time when i got to meet back all my dear friends, complained bout the homework and bla bla bla...gosh...damn miss school...

one more fact that i don't wanna admit is i'm turning 18!!!! waaaaa~~~

anyway, went for job interview and it was kindda weird...now, me and chell just gotta wait for just 1 phone call to get it..phew...wish me luck!!!

I wish to start college soon (as a replacement for school) and wanna get busy...slacking around at home really torturing and sad...TT

i guess that's for all now..

signing off~laine

1st 2010 post

2010-01-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

1ST 2010 POST!!!!

HALOOOOO 2010!!!! (*fly the flags buddy!!!*)
well, this is my very 1st post for 2010!!! i cant really update much cause i'm at penang and can't really type much here...sorry!!!

just a post to say, ITS 2010!!!!

Happy 2010!!!

2009-12-31T01:56:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2010

Finally, a year gone and another year arrived...

time to welcome, 2010!!!! wooohooo!!! exciting doesnt it!!

well, this gonna be a long post cause i promise myself to left what i rmb over here so it wont go away~~~

2009~

the year begin with the dull look in our face as all of us were reminded with the existance of SPM!!! creepy huh?i remember mr.chin (our long-missed add maths teacher which we complaint alot about him but ended up missing him after he got transfered to other school) gave us addmaths homework at our very first day of school...sad huh??

then, of course, my favourite yet sad event of all begins..yaya...the SPORTS DAY...important event for my school life...met a bunch of barbarians which i grew close to and they left me a great impact in my life...im so gonna miss them...

later on was my first prom night!! went there with maine dress and went to carmen's hse with chelle...then carmen's sister bring all of us there..have a wonderful night there with dances and musics and pictures and most important of all, FOOD!!!!

sports day come and end...we didnt managed to win the prize, but we won what others might not get...we won friendships and memories...^^

when may approach, i remember my birthday...this year was the special birthday celebration for me...although it happen to fall on mother's day, i got two celebration and ate the same cake at two diferent place..nyummm~~~one gang is from the tuition fella n the other gang was some of the marching crew...thank you guys!!!

witness a grand marriage between my cousin sister, SHERLYN and her hubby, STEVEN...gratez ya!!!

went for bon odori this year and it was great...have lotsa fun there with my bunch of "hyperactive-disorder" friends...

great news!! my essay was in this year cahaya!!!weeee~~~

met alot of new friends and ya, you guys gonna locked in my friends list...

my mom got to take care a cute little girl and i LOOOOVVVVVEEEE her so much...i nearly took her as my own daughter..the chemistry between us was strong...wow!!! but, sadly, she no longer under the guardian of my mom...she was being 'transported' awy...sad sad sad sad sad...

met a special someone this year...and im so gonna appreciate the time i have so that i wont regret in the future...

overall, i had a great year in 2009 and honestly, i dun really wanna left this year behind...

when 2010 comes, my life gonna change..no more schooling, no more homeworks, no more friends to chat and gossip around...TT

2010 RESOLUTIONS

+ gonna work hard for money

+ start college with a better and matured me

+ be a better blogger

+ gonna gain weight

+ be a better person

+ gathering with my mates once a month

+ get myself a camera

+ get a phone

more bout my resolution will be update soon...^^

HAPPY 2010!!!!!!

MERRY XMAS EVE!!!

2009-12-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

MERRY XMAS EVE!!

yaya...xmas eve have to be an event that makes me hyper like the previous year...but, i dont feel as happy as before today..before this day arrived, i thought i might have lots of fun with friends and family cause this is the day i enjoy the most after cny but now ended up facing the pc screen and typing update for my blog...

ya, i thought i can celebrate this event with him, but he's now not in kl...he went back to jb today...sad i know but what to do?

i can only hope for his safety during his trip and take care of himself...i will still wait for his return and i hope to celebrate this day with him next year(*hope it will come true*)

anyway, MERRY XMAS YA!!!

BOREDOM

2009-12-22T01:34:00.000-08:00

BOREDOM

merry xmas!

i loudly announced, i'm in the middle of boredom zone!!!
woohooo!!!!!!

lame i know...i just can't help it...TT
well, went around this few days...shopping shopping and shopping...but, i din buy anything...
sad sad sad~

so, i honestly don't have much to update...i can only say~

Tiring Day

2009-12-18T05:53:00.000-08:00

TIRING DAY

took it at driving school

before i begin, let me update with what i have been doig for the past few days.

on wed, i went to driving school with chelle...woke up esrly in the mornig and start to get ready for the day. a guy (*uncle lim*) fetch us there till bangi there...super far lo...

then, stuck there for few hours listening to the talk and managed to survived till 4p.m...i nearly fall asleep during the damn boring class..but 1 thing for sure the speaker reminds me of someone..chelle told me the person was mr.L and it was so true!!!

on thursday, me and my family greet farewell to my beloved 'daughter'..her parents decide to bring her back to her grandmother's place while my mom cant seem to find much time for her as well..so we waved goodbye and i don't know when will i get to see her again

today, been busy for the whole day...doing spring cleaning and rearrange my room..look smaller and realise that i wont be using that room as frequent as before already...doing last minute clean-up in a super fast mode cause we received a sudden news that my grandma and cousin are here...super tired!!!

till here! update soon!!!

UPDATE!!!

2009-12-13T21:28:00.000-08:00

UPDATE

took this picture during MV outing with the girls

(*like this pic actually*)

Time to update my blog...i gotta do it frquently now to make it alive...

it's just like keeping a person alive by supplying oxygen to their body. (*OMG!!!exam over!throw all the facts away now!*)

Looks like i gotta control my addiction towards internet...my mom has been grumbling over me about it..
well, wat to update huh?
OH YA!!!got an announcement to make..
I'm going back to Penang at the end of month..
if alex tag along then i might be back here early...
but, if she's not then i might be staying there for some time...
dont miss me orh!!!

time passed very fast...
well, i dunno why i turn emo again..grrr!!!!
HY! i need u now!!hahaa...
*he can talk craps to distract me*
wakakaka...
yest, KY mentioned to me bout what he think of his future...well, eventually he caused me to think along as well..i'm sorta afraid to grow up now...the world seem to be so small and cruel(*this is not any part of what he thought*)

anyway~update soon!!!

2009-12-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

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*** The books sold are in a moderate conditions***

***Some of it might have some writting in it***

***preferably from sentosa***

***contact me if interested***

*charis_elaine92@hotmail.com*

More!!!!

2009-12-09T23:25:00.000-08:00

MORE!!!!

I missed the outing to sungai wang today..
they went for karaoke and i'm really having no interest on it so i decided to skip it...
well, there's another reason...
'he' doesn't want me to go...although he say it's okay, but i guess i got the responsibility to care for his feeling...he's being in a bad condition lately...i don't want to trouble him wit my probs

gosh~i cant sleep well yesterday night..ended up i write an article...
i guess i'm gonna start writting back my novels...i've been abandoning them for too long..
yikes!!!!!

ALIVE!!!

2009-12-09T01:31:00.000-08:00

ALIVE!!!!

Finally, my blog is alive!!!

Wooh~ Spm over and now it's time to somehow start anew.

I got myself a whole new hair (*i dye my hair and have a little haircut*).

I got so much to blog actually but i felt it will make my post become super duper extraordinary long that people will drive in complaints about how boring my blog is! (*don't laugh..i know it's you!!!!)

Let see, i guess i would summarised my whole SPM process in a few paragraph(*i not sure how long it gonna be...don't froan eu gene!!!)

Here it goes~during the first day before SPM, i was totally nervous, excited, happy, sad - whatever mood is in me! I dunno what the heck is wrong wif me but it just did! I ended up having sleepless night and went to school in a nervous look. Maine was 'consoling' me, asking me to calm down. BUT I JUST CAN'T!!!!!

Well, after that everything went well. I got to 'thank' ASTHEN for being my worst-than-my-mom person. Why? Cause, whenever he saw me online, he will gave me a bunch of lecture asking me to study and don't online.

Edward sat in front of me during exam. And, i wonder did he really do his paper or not. He was there, switching position and keep looking around, AND sleep. he and bran often go out early. On the last paper, (*chemistry) he just sleep for the whole paper!!! Damn PRO!

Well, that's all first for SPM report~THANK YOU!!! (*LOL* don't boo me!)

OH YA!!!!

i'm selling off SPM reference book and gonna give away notes for some subjects. I'm gonna post it on later date. i'm gonna sell it real cheap...really really cheap that you can't imagine the cheapness of the book!!! but, the books are good and in good condition-i think.

i will post a note on facebook and msn right after i managed to post all the pictures(books) here!!! contact me thru facebook or msn to get it...(and i honestly prefer people from sentosa!)

Time to start planning for my 'future'

i'm looking for job now(desperately!) and i need money(don't ask me why! i don't feel like telling). and, i got so many so-called dates after this..the current/latest plan is tomorrow to sungai wang with paul and his gang to celebrate luanne's birthday. next is on friday! eien no tomo outing at mid valley!! we gotta catch up on the latest movie, NEW MOON!!!! OMG!!! edward cullen(not robert pattinson!) and taylor!!!! well, i got into the mood to swing now...yay!!!

hmmm~~

arul is gone to australia...oh my~i'm gonna miss her...feel like crying now..

well, i have been holiding back my tears eversince she told us about this sudden news which had been plan since few months ago. i was like, "WHAT!!!why all of the sudden???". honestly i just cant accept the fact she's leaving...I'M SO GANNA MISS U ARUL!!!

i guess that's all first~

CIAOZ~

You are back

2009-11-30T07:00:00.001-08:00

YOU ARE BACK

*oh my pretty pretty boy i love you, like i never ever love the one before you*
Ai turned to look at her phone and saw a message from her beloved one.
"i'm coming back kl now"
Ai gave a sighed and replied, "ok, take care."
she received a short replied, "ok dear"

her loved one, ryan had been away for quite some time now...finally, he returned back to where Ai had been patiently wait for him. But, somehow, Ai didn't feel the same anymore. Although he was back, she felt both of them are getting far apart. She didn't want to give up but her heart is aching badly. she doesn't know what can she do to make everything back to normal.

the news he's coming back doesn't excites her like last time. a deep feeling of wanting to avoid him gathered around in her heart. She knew this should not happen but she can't resists the feeling. the feeling really are trying to drive her to insanity.

she tries to get rid of the darn feeling by thinking of the happy memories between them. but, she soon realise, conflicts between them are increasing and eventually take over the happy memories. she knew that it shouldn't be like this but all she can do was whining and blaming herself for making this horrible mistake.

she loves him, but she doubt his love towards her. they got together in a simple and stupid way. but, her love for him neither simple nor stupid. but, it grow extremely fast. from friend to best friend to like and fnally love. this shouldn't happen in between two weeks time. she receives care and attention from him. she became the happiesst gal on earth. she was so addicted to him or even crazy bout him. she cries when he told her bout his sad stories. she gave support when he needs it. she hid her worries from him to ease his burden.

many asked her to give up this relationship. where can it bring them to when both of them never met and turned out to be an item when they barely knew each other for 2weeks. but, she insists on her trust towards her lover, the soulmate she barely recognise. people around her told her it's useless for her to keep herself for him. he might be having another affair behind her back. still, she trust him.

when the coldness between them dragged too long, her heart aches and start bleeding. "where the hell is he?" often came into her mind. she understand that his family had met a tragedy recently but she wanted badly for him to share his sadness with her. she felt that it's unfair for him to take it all by himself.

now he's back, she felt herself neglects. although he did apologise for not able to accompany her, she still hope he can at least spend half an hour time with her.

***

she switched on her msn and after long waiting, he finally online. she managed to message him first and started to chat...she thought everything is alright until he mentioned about a guy chasing her. she dislikes his action when he keep pushing her to other guys. she started a short arguement and everything ended up when she decided to go offline for a moment..
she on back and he appear busy...she message him but no reply. she wondering if she should give up her love?
he's back but yet, she's aching...she wish everything will be back to normal but, will it be possible with her only force?

Back to my internet

2009-10-18T01:50:00.000-07:00

Study Study Study

2009-10-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

Study Study Study

has been doing lots of revision lately...
i start to be hardworking (*really la!!*) eversince i heard that PMR are using the reserved paper...
means, it going to be hard and tricky...
gosh...i hate to think of the possibility that SPM will be using the reseved paper as well...

Reminiscent Of Love

2009-10-07T23:51:00.001-07:00

Reminiscent Of Love

Female version

I never regretted meeting Akhmal. He brightened up my life and showed me what love really was. I never lead such a beautiful life before. I wanted Akhmal forever but somehow, I got to face the truth. Both of us are from two different worlds.

Being the only child, my parents would not give many opinions when I told them about Akhmal. I knew that they were heartbroken although they didn't voice it out. They knew what I was doing and they were confident with my decision.

But, on the other hand, Akhmal had a great argument with his family. Being a traditional family, they strictly object our relationship. Akhmal even ran away from home after that massive argument. I advised him to return to his family and surprisingly he listened to me.

I had sleepless night thinking what I should do. I wanted to be with him badly and I'm aware that I had to convert into Muslim if I were to be with him. I have to sacrifice the relationship I had with my family. Besides that, Akhmal's family will discriminate us and Akhmal will never have peace at home.

Weeks after Akhmal returned home, I called him and we had lunch at a hotel. I tried to act as normal as I could. This was the last outing and dinner I had with Akhmal.

After we finished our lunch, I looked at him, deep into his brownish eyes. He stared back at me with his warm smile that was killing me. Deep inside, I tried to control the tears forming at my eyes. I knew that I couldn't stand it any longer, thus I said, "Akhmal, we need to make things right."

He looked at me, waiting for more. I inhaled and slowly exhaled. "I don't think we should continue meeting like this. We'll loose our families if we continue going out."

"Carmen," he called my name. I couldn't respond and I looked away.

He grabbed my hand and called my name again. "Carmen looked at me."

I slowly turned my head back to face him. He said, "Carmen, I'm willing to sacrifice everything that I have right now for you. I can sacrifice my family and convert my religious."

Before he could continue, I said, "No! Akhmal, don't even think about it."

"They are your family. If you leave them, I'll hate you."

I can see that he's loosing his patience. "Akhmal," I said. "I don't want to hurt my family either. I've been having many sleepless nights thinking of what had lead us to this. I'm not happy anymore."

Akhmal looked away. I knew that he was trying to hide his tears away. Something in me warned myself to end this faster before I loose my courage.

"I'm leaving Malaysia. I got a scholarship to continue my studies in Australia."

He turned to look at me with shock. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"I'm going with you," said Akhmal.

I stared at him and said, "No. You're staying. Akhmal, don't you get it? I want to leave you, leave everything behind and start anew. I want to be happy again. I got enough misery here. I'm sorry Akhmal, but, this is it. It's the end of our story."

I stood up and left the place. Tears rolled down my eyes. Suddenly, I felt two warm hands hugging me from the back around my shoulders. Without looking back, I knew it was him. I'm positive that he was crying. I could hear his sobbing. "Please, Carmen please. Don't leave me."

I refused to look back. I closed my eyes as I cruelly remove his hands away from me and walked out of the hotel. My heart ache badly but doing so was the best decision for both of us.

10 years later~

I managed to start anew and found a companion. I returned to Malaysia with him, Andrew. I never saw Akhmal again ever since I left him at the hotel.

It's during mega sales when Andrew decided to bring me out. We went to Mid Valley and walked around. The place was fully crowded with people. Something caught my attention and I squat down to have a closer look on it.

I was shocked when a little Malay boy knocked me. I helped him up and I heard someone apologising. The voice sounds familiar and I looked up.

I thought I was dreaming when I saw Akhmal there. We looked into each other's eyes like how we looked at each other 10 years ago.

I stood up and said, "It's alright."

He smiled and looked at Andrew. I saw his new family besides him. His wife gave him a signal and he just walked past me.

The moment he left my sight, I felt a sudden pang of sadness and at the same time, relieved. I grabbed tightly on Andrew's hand and looked deeply at him. Without another word, I hugged him tightly with my eyes filled with tears.

THE END

*Copyright Reserved*

**this story originated from Carmen's dream. I only helped to write it down and do a little bit of modification**

***special thanks to Alex and Maine for helping me with my bad grammar***

****gratefully thanks to people who read it and your comment****

My Leftover Life

2009-10-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

My Leftover Life

~i took it in McD on a outing with chelle~

I've been leaving behind my blog quite empty recently...
like what i said to chelle, i think i'm gonna be a lazy blogger now...
gosh~
well, i guess this is the right time to give a little update about what's going on with me recently...

i guess i'm gonna turn emo...
sobs...
i dun1 to be emo...
but, too many stuff happen to me recently and i just cant relax myself...
well, alex and maine sure know well that i've been running around the school eversince the school reopens...
i wonder why is there so much to do yet, so little time to complete...

gosh~
i did badly in exam...
i guess i got to work even harder this time...
SPM is coming nearer...

Sigh...
it's mid-autumn festival, yet, i'm alone for dinner this year...
the whole family got food poisoning except me..
i cooked rice for myself with sweet and sour pork that my mom asked her friend to dapao for me...

btw, i don't know who's that misterious guy who lend me his history text book
but, anyway...real thanks to him...
i got suspected a guy...
i think he's the one i guess...

Happy Mooncake Festival

2009-10-03T01:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Mooncake Festival

Yeah~
it's mooncake festival...
and all i think of is mooncake mooncake and more mooncake...
Although this year celebration wasn't really like how it should be cause almost everyone is sick...
still, i'm still here celebrating it wof myself...
tralalala

Virus

2009-10-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

Virus

A part of me feels that my computer got infected by virus
bad?
not at all...
cause the worse part is that my computer have no antivirus...
dang...
how i feel wanted to throw this stupid machine away...
gah~

BTW!!!
i got back my phone...

Stupid

2009-09-26T02:16:00.000-07:00

Stupid!!!

i miss my phone...
it have been days since my dad took it for repair and yet, i still cant get it back yet...
i thought of using it tml but ended up i got to keep waiting for it..
what the heck are they doing???
does it need so much time just to repair one stupid damn phone...
f**k la...

One More Day To Go

2009-09-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

One More Day To Go

Yeap....you got it...
tml is the day i going to slightly enjoy my holiday..
i'm going out wif my fren..!!!
somehow, i'm pretty excited about it...
muahhahaha

sigh...
my lil baby girl got into the hospital..
i don't know how to say it in english but if based on hokien, it's called as 'chu piak' and in mandarin is 'chu ma'
she got fever as well and her whole body was super hot..
i honestly, pity her...
heart pain as well...
wish her got well soon then~

Can't Wait!!!

2009-09-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

Can't Wait

Finally, i can go out with chelle!!!!
At first, it's only me and chelle, den my sis wanna join too..
so it become 3 girls...
i suddenly remember of Jeff, so i invited him along...
chelle look for back up and maybe ed and yee going...
woohoo!!!!!bigger crowd!!!
i just can't wait to go...
and, i'm gonna camwhore...!!!!!
(*although chelle say she dun1 take pic with a doll...sobs*)

Gosh~

2009-09-24T01:20:00.000-07:00

Gosh

I'm still have no idea what i wanted to do...
say...I'm speechless as well..
holiday sucks!!!
exam lagi sucks...
grrrrr~~~~

SMS-holic

2009-09-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

SMS-holic

we often heard of shopaholic, bookaholic and more holic-kers...

now, i introduce, SMS-holics....

well, i love to sms and it turned out to be one of my great hobby..

WOOHOOO~

wondering who's my 'sms-kaki' huh???

well, they are different in the way they sms...

~Leo~

**great sms companion but, it takes some patient to sms him coz his phone keep black-out**

~Jeff a.k.a Kit~

**he can chat wif u but, he's not active in sms...he will dissapear suddenly...**

~Raynille~

**midnight chatter...still, she won't reply when things got bored...**

~Chelle~

**the first person i will seek to chat..**

~Alex~
**love to talk to her especially wif her total exclamation mark and her own words...**

~Sing Yee~

**Love to chat wif her coz, i will be given a chance to be a counsellor...hhaaha**

~Ken~

**after knowing each other for 3years, the way he sms still the same...slow reply...**

there are more but, these are the ppl i often msg wif...

(*winks!!!*)

Bored

2009-09-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

Bored

{bored to death}

I'm officially bored...
There's nothing to do and yeap, i don't know what to blog too....
well, actually, there's sth i wanna talk bout...

PLS...

Press my nuffnang ad....donate 25cents to me...T.T

Life and Death

2009-09-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

Life and Death

before he came out into my life, i don't mind about dying early... or should i say, i opened towards death...i no longer afraid of dying early..this open feeling towards death grow in me when i start suffering headache, which doctor can't find the cause...i got to go through several doctors and finally, i found a doctor who could temporary put my pain into rest...but early of the year, i finished my medication and the pain stop..i thought i survive this time, but my nightmare came back to me...

i started feeling the pain in me but i thought it's just stress or maybe it's just the weather...slowly, i can feel my head damn heavy and it cause my temper turned bad..i often feel tired and moody...it started to show the symptom...i got scared...i don't want it to come back...

i'm not planning to tell my parents...not now..the treatment cost heavily and i have to keep going back there..i hate the feeling...i can't stand watching my mom cry and my dad stress bout me...

i still can control the pain...but, i just suddenly fear that i would die...

since he came into my life, everything change...i don't want to leave this world early...i rather he left me first...i want to be with him forever...i really love him...i guess...i think of him and when i realise my stupid 'old friend' are back, i don't want him to know about it...but, due to my carelessness, he found out...honestly, i cried when chatting with him bout my condition...the way he treat me really touched me deeply...all the while with almost all my ex, i got to compromise with them and sometimes i got to hurt myself to satisfied them...but, being with him, i feel being treat nice after so long...he meant alot to me though....

i don't know what i want...i got so messed up...but, i still pray that god don't take me away now..not now...i almost cried when chelle reply me saying she doensn't want to loose me...chelle, i won't want to loose you either...

besides,

i don't want to loose dear either

Holidays~

2009-09-21T05:50:00.000-07:00

Holidays

Finally, holidays are here but, i'm still stuck in my house...

went shopping today after cleaning up my house...got super tired and slept all the way to balakong...

Well, i got into the camwhore mood today..wee~~

At central,
me and my family got mistaken as not local...got a guy who promoting WWF and he approach me and my dad..he start talking in mandarin and my dad ignore him..i just smile and nod...finally, he gave up and walked away...got bored of waiting for my mom, i went to look for ice-cream...while looking, that guy suddenly walked to me and say, "I actually can talk in english". i look at him and smile while i said, "Nevermind"

LOL...

oh ya...got a short video clip...XD

100th Post

2009-09-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

100th Post

I got my purple contact lens...and my eyes look super fake...hahaha

btw, we finished our TRIAL!!!!!

WooHoo!!!!

but, stil, SPM coming now....

Gotta study hard for it..

ELAINE~GAMBATE!!!!

My nightmare is going to get me today~

Bout an hour more my relative is coming over...T.T

Lucky she didn't plan to stay here...(i wish she don't)

Anyhow, i'm going out to eat with them later...

Pls!!!!Help me!!! WUAAAAA~

090909

2009-09-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

090909

before i begin,
this is my 99th post!
specially for this special day...
~090909~

today is the special day where so many couples get married...
i recieved some message, reminding me to say I LOVE YOU to people whom i loves
which includes my friends and family..
not to forget, him~

FRIENDS AND FAMILY~

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

**I LOVE YOU TOO DEAR~**

SOS

2009-09-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

SOS

My relatives are going to pay me a visit!!!!
Travelling from Penang and stop-by at KL!!!

WHAT THE HECK???!!!!

I'm so gonna loose my leftover 20% freedom!!

Y?
Cause my this relative doesn't like 'children'
she always lecture my cousins in penang bout online and phone...
and i got the feeling she's going to do the same to me...
SOBS~
I wanna escape from this nightmare...
Anyone going out???
Please bring me along!!!!

Exam Exam n Exam

2009-09-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

Exam Exam n Exam

070809

Having moral exam~ Grr~I forget all the definisi..
Darn it!!!!
Well, after recess, almost half of the class went back home... Why? Cause no more exam...I, being a so-called good student stay of course...Haha~
During sejarah, something happen...It's bout the darn 'nangka'...Argued with Esther when she 'strictly' warn us not to do group study...
What the heck???!!!!
Esther remained at Fish place...nangka got frustrated and scolded Esther...And i support Esther!!!We got the right to do group study k??!!!
Then, Ong got scolded too... For stupid reason... It's about the way he sit...
==

080909

UPSR had started.. So wish those people who are sitting for it ALL THE BEST!!!
Having Physics and Add Maths test today~ (*NIGHTMARES!!!*)
I got tired of studying... When will this torture will ends? T.T
Well, it's kok chong birthday today...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Stupid Phone

2009-09-06T02:52:00.000-07:00

Stupid Phone!!!

I don't have the mood of going out today but, i thought it's only one of my stupid instinct...
Got pretty distracted during the time i shop around...Something was bugging me actually...
I got annoyed by my mom scolding the little boy.. Why can't he behave well?
We later went to eat rice and the whole super duper stupid annoying stuff happen...
My phone drop on the floor and the whole front cover came out!!!!!
It's like, the phone got crush or a better example, the brain came out from the head..
Well, it'n not actually the first time so i quickly took my phone and head to the table...I thought i can fixed it but this time, it just can't go in there...
i got scared and i don't feel like eating anymore...
Ended up, we took it for a repair..
the guy said i got to change the whole thing and it cost bout 100ringgit...
I take back the phone, not wanting to repair anymore...
My dad asked me to sell off this phone and he will get me the lg one..
But, i don't want to sacrifice my phone...
I wish some opinion can be given..

the phone i wanted to buy...

so, anyone can tell me what should i do?
Sell it and get the new phone
or
Take it to repair?

Exam Exam and Exam

2009-09-04T17:48:00.000-07:00

Got tired of exam lately...
I don't really get the whole point of having exam when everyone know what's coming out...
Worse, some even got the question paper earlier...
All they got to do was prepare the answer at home and memorise it...
What's really irritate me was, they all kiasu(*means afraid to loose)...
Unlike last exam, the tips for this term onlly circulated around their gang...
Although i wasn't interested in those tips, but the feeling of unfair still rose in me..
Whatever it is...I don't think i want to care anymore... :D

Honestly...Something freaky happened...
It's just the first day of school and it's something unacceptable for it to happen....
well, we found out that there's a pervert in the girl's toilet...
Worst, it's in my blok!!!!
It happened early in the morning when all of the sudden, we heard a girl screaming out super loud..
I guess almost every homosapiens in the school heard that freaking long scream..
I thought it's just some kind of prank so, i didn't question much...
But, later we found out that a form 5 girl was being molest in the toilet...
That stupid guy was dressed with a black jacket...They can't see his face clearly...
Super scary...

On wednesday night, i went down to do some offering for the heng dai...
We start by praying at the road side using the joystick and later on, my parents arrange those hell money and paper clothes behind the candles.
We start burning and, all of the sudden, the fire got 'fierce'...
Then, one of the ashes started to burn and fly up high
my dad say it shows sign of luck and fortune...
i somehow wish it's true...

Recently...i turned out to be a NERD...
AIKS!!! not NERD....
i rather be BOOKWORM...
Sorry Alex and Maine....
I'm not qualified to be one...
I cant laugh like a NERD,
I cant talk like a NERD,
I cant do the NERD finger split...

cONclUSIon~
I'M NOT A NERD!!!

muaHAhaHA

All The Best

2009-08-31T00:34:00.000-07:00

ALL THE BEST!!!

To all UPSR, PMR and SPM candidates~

All The Best For Your Trial and The Upcoming Big Test!!!!

GAMBATE!!!!!

We suffer now and enjoy later ya folks!!!!!

WOOHOOO!!!

2009-08-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

Outing With Gor

Before i start...

i want to tell something...

Gor~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

went to mines with gor...

he brought me to his hse...near mines...

wow...

super high-class...i got speechless...

treat my gor with pizza...

den walk around the mines...

we keep talking and finally,

when v got bored, we walked put around his hse compound...

and, we got into the camwhore mood and start taking pictures...

i got so much pictures that i ended up lazy to upload..

i will find a time to upload part 2

haha

gor treat me with ice-cream...nyum...

Editng Pictures

2009-08-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

Editing Pictures

got into the mood of editing pictures

this time, i got to took more emo picture

haha

the before and after pictures~

2009-08-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

the edited picture

L.I.V.E YOUR OWN W.A.Y

2009-08-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

L.I.V.E YOUR OWN WAY

can't sleep yesterday...

ended up thinking bout my blog title...

L.I.V.E YOUR OWN W.A.Y

that's what i always wanted to do...

i don't like people controlling my life and arrange it for me...

well...i got what i want L.I.V.E and W.A.Y to symbolised....

L-Live

I-In

V-Various

E-Environment

or

L-Look

I-Inside

V-Various

E-Elaine

W-Walk

A-Alone

Y-Yesterday

or

W-Wander

A-Away

Y-Your Own

let me know which 1 sounds better...

or

give me some new idea....

TQ!!

HairCut

2009-08-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

HairCut

went for a haircut today...

BEFORE~

AFTER~~

i know it's not much different...

just my hair more neat

and shorter

i got to cut again at the end of the year...

cause it's not that okay yet...

my mom woke me up early in the morning...

i got so blur and she asked me to take over my 'daughter' from her mother...

then i ended up take care of her till she fall asleep...

finally i got to remember her name...

is hui ying...haha(*i think i spell correctly)

had an arguement with my mom yesterday...

she still can't believe me in making friends...

she got her own opinion towards the friends i made..

the only few that gave her good impression are...

chelle, maine and ken...

the other ein no tomo gang, she only know chelle and maine...

besides that, the others she don't really like...

she often call them as lala...

but, i don't think she know wat's lala really is...

i pity alex(*guy)...

cause my mom really don't like him...

sigh~

my friends turned out to be so-called lalas...

look like i'm going to be one den mom...

T.T

what really happen was...

my mom keep saying i give my friend bluff already...

when i showed her the message to proof that she's not,

my mom angrily say she's rude...

mom..what you want them to do?

even my dad also standing at my side...

finally she keep quiet...

when she asked all of us to sleep,

we moved on quickly

i take the oportunity to call him...

after finish talking, 'drama' started again...

this time, is my sister...

my mom can't find the charger for the nintendo ds...

she asked my sis where she placed it...

after being scold since the morning, my sis quickly find the charger...

my mom started to be angry....so, my sis faster asked for my help to look for the charger...

i helped of course...and finally my sis found it...

it's at the original place but my mom didn't take the effort to look for it...

my sis scare and cried when my mom scolded her for not remembering where she placed it

my sis of course feels hurt and she just walked back in the room with a sour face

my mom feels unsatisfied go into my room and scolded her...

i was actually in my parents room quickly ran to my room...

argue a little with my mom and my mom walked back to the room...

sigh~one day only...

everything turned upside down....

T.T

Special Post

2009-08-27T00:16:00.000-07:00

Special Post

This post is specially updated due to a request from a person
KIKI~

well...
the main thing he wants me to do was...
wishing his percious gal, San,
all the best in your spm

(*well, she wouldnt know i write it here though)

since she wouldn't know...i dun mind helping him to say something he didnt ask me to

well, san~
i know i'm an outsider..
i just knew KIKI for a few days
but, during this period, he keep mentioning bout you...
he really very love you
he wish you are back with him
i don't know what happen between you two, but...
i can see that he really regret...
he keep asking me bout spm stuff cause he wants to help you at the same time
i know i'm abit sampat...care other people stuff
but, i also have the one i love...
after got hurt so long, i found a guy who i really would want him to stay with me for the rest of my life
i already tell myself that if i love him, i will trust him no matter what
if he hurt me, i won't blame on him
cause when you love, it's not only his fault...
our ownself also got fault
i just wanted to leave you this message
and, none of it, except wishing you all the best in your spm, are from KIKI...
he don't know i write all this....
anyway...
if can, i wish you can discuss this matter with him again...
he really very miss you
very love you...
give him a chance to treat you better....

sincerely,
from an outsider, elaine

SPM!!!!

2009-08-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

SPM!!!!!!!

grrr....
SPM getting nearer now..
but, i still didn't do much study yet...
i keep chatting and online....
ELAINE KUM!!!
WAT R U DOING????
GRRRRR~

yest~

ponteng tuition...
thought of being a good girl so teman my dad go dapao nasi lemak
we knew it's going to rain so we fast fast go buy
ended up really rain
summore is heavy rain
all of us got panic awhile then guess what~
i got wet...from head to toe...
inside also wet..
i was like OMG!!WTF??
but lucky it's super noisy...my dad didn't hear anything..hahaha
we managed to get home with the food not getting wet
but, i sacrifice myself...T.T
quickly take bath and came out shivering

today~
babysitting again...
this time, i made a dancing class...
teach my 'daughter' dancing..
found out my body really weak jor
awhile only already panting...tired
i guess i got to work out even more now
if not i really will die faster
haha

Distracted

2009-08-25T23:34:00.000-07:00

Distracted

ever imagine how fragile love was?
most of you guys might say love are a strong connection...i said that too
but, what is love actually means?
how is it like?
why must love begins with some sweet thought then later slowly hurts...
why must everyone suffer for the sake of love?
why can't love be something nice, something smooth, something that are memorable?
why can't it be a two people business instead of three, four and more?

i got distracted when reading his confession...
he told me that he wants it to be a memory for both of them...
i don't blame him or complain much...
but, i feel like a failure after reading it...
i wish i was her instead...
cause, if i'm her, i would definitely appreciate his presence there...

if i was her, i won't want him to suffer..
i don't think i'm that super brave, a person who can take the fact easily anymore...
he msg me, but...i wanted to cool myself down first before talking to him
i need to control my emotions...i don't want him to know my heart is breaking
i don't want him to know i cried

i can't find a place to express myself
my sis is definitely not a good spot for me to do it
friends? i don't think i want them to know the whole story yet
i know many will be reading this
but at least nobody would question me
this might be my best place to express myself, to be the emo me...

typing typing typing...
i know i'm annoying...
but, doing this, i am able to calm myself
and, it's true...
i'm more relax now...
hmmm....i need to face him...
and,tell him i'm alright...
this is the only thing i can do to stop him from worry bout me

my 85th post

2009-08-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

85th Post

well...i didn't study much this holiday

woke up early in the morning,

went for morning walk with my mom,

return home, have my bath

help my mom babysitting my "daughter",

online,

watch movie

and lastly, study...

doing the same thing for three days already...

met a new guy named kiki...

at first i thought is a form 4 guy coz i cant c his face clearly...

(*i 4get his name...xD)

but, later found out is two diff ppl...hahaha

chat with him and found out many sad thing bout him and his ex

his story reminds me of his condition now...

started to blame myself again...

...

back to kiki~

he told me he cried alot...

i don't know what to do except calling him not to cry, be happy, and open his mind

anyway...

KIKI~GAMBATE!!!

So-Called Daughter

2009-08-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

So-Called Daughter

recently, a little girl joined in my family
and, she look like me when i was young...
super cute!!!
and, the best part is....she stick to me and don't want my mom
my mom say she recognised wrong mother but i say no
i say she recognised wrong nanny liao

when she laugh, you can hardly see her eyes

something bout her makes me attracted to her...

love her la...

how i wish she's my daughter...XD

Sentosa Get Together Charity Concert

2009-08-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sentosa Get Together Charity Concert

went to the charity concert with chelle

well...i enjoyed the front part of the show cause...

it's all dancing...XD

grr...almost 70% that came to the concert are couples...

lucky me and chelle wear the about-the-same couple shirt...

so we considered as a pair too...muahahaha

met up with bran...

before the concert end, three of us were wandering outside the hall

take group pic together...

and...good news...

those barbarians didn't come and only eu gene came

take picture with him...

at least it's a good dream...

should i thanks eddie??

tats all~

update soon

My Teddies

2009-08-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

My Teddies

guess what's in it~

TadAA

part 1~

My small family

Part of my little family

my teddies~

My Photography

2009-08-23T00:47:00.000-07:00

My Photography

Empty Without You

2009-08-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

Feel So Empty Without You

sigh~i feel so empty now
keep wondering what are you doing while looking at your profile
grrr~i wanted to call you but, stupid phone running out of credit
sigh...i guess i gotta blame myself for not allowing you to reload
well, i wanted you to pay back that 'gal' the money so that you won't have any more relation with her
how i wish i could help you, or at least stay beside you when you need me...
but, i just can't

wondering what are you doing now...
wishing i could just let you know how much i miss you,
how my heart hurt without you

Sentosa Charity Concert

2009-08-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

Sentosa Charity Concert

Pictures only

New Clothes

2009-08-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

New Clothes

bought new clothes from maine~

tomato boy

(*same with chelle)

me in my onion shirt

smile!!!