HIM

Who could ever imagine such a thing will happened to me?


Finally, i met him in person. Nobody can describe my feeling. I really didn't expect him to show up at my working place. After so long, i finally can see him face to face. But, i can't meet up with him as his lover.


I didn't expect him to appear at hiestand. He called me and started asking bout my work. After that he ended up telling me he might come to bangsar village to accompany his friend. I thought he might just joke with me or maybe he really came but won't be stopping by. But, frankly, i was shaking. My chest feel loaded with pressure and my hands are shaking. I can't concentrate while working. Hell!


I kept searching for excuses to go out from the bakery. First, i say i wanna go toilet. then, i followed Lina (my colleague) to the store and later again, tag with her to change money. I keep looking around for him and i was super stupid for not asking what he wear. After that, i received message from him. He told me that he saw me twice and i didn't saw him. I was stunned when he told me i actually just pass by him by his face. I start to blame myself for my unnecessary stupid-ness. I went back to work and when there are no customer, i jump out to have a look around. Still i can't spot him at all. I gave up hope and start working. Suddenly, i saw him in the shop. I quickly make a lame excuse saying i'm going to toilet and rushed out to meet him.


The feeling was excited until, my hands are shaking. I gotta keep it in my pocket to prevent any embarrassment. His friend left us alone and we start talking and walking. Honestly, my heart ache. His look are dull. Both of his eyes are red. He told me he didn't sleep for the whole night. Again, i blame myself. Why must i be a pig to not realise his weirdness when he message me yesterday night? Yet, i can't go back to the time. I help it close to myself. He looked lifeless and i keep blaming myself for all these. But, decision had made. I can't see myself walking back. I need time to sort things out. 1 year is a minimum time i gave myself cause i felt, it's not enough for me.


Slowly, we walked back to the place. Linda(the supervisor a.k.a my neighbour) suggest i treat them with something. I thought of latte, the drink that i just graduate. Made two for them and due to my over-excited mood, i can't make a perfect one. Hand it to them and he want to pay. I rejected and he suggest that i choose some bread for myself and he pay for me. Again i rejected. I don't want to add burden to him. Besides, the worker there can eat/taste the bread there for free. So why bother to buy it with money?


Before i went back, he keep asking me to take pictures with him. I wanted to say yes but i stop myself. I don't want to take picture with him. I want him to come again to take a better picture. I don't know why but, i felt i can see him more if i keep dragging the picture taking 'ceremony'. Finally, i gave in. Took two pictures with him and eventually got addicted to it. I kept looking at those pictures and i just cant look away. The vision of him keep circling in my head. I want him there badly but i just can't.


i wish i can meet up with him again. begging god for that~

~ memories that aren't meant to be forgotten ~