haiz

managed to steal some time to type something here. i dont know will anyone be bother, but i do.
i don't know what or why i am turning like tis..i just cant find the selfishness that are needed now.
im scare of making friends now...especially guys. im afraid...im afraid people take me more than just a friend. im worried that i might have drive them into some hell-stop.
like what dearie had said to me. he say, guys wanted to find me cause of one thing...to be more than friends. i suddenly recall what albee had told me before. she doesnt want to treat a guy nice coz, whenever she just care a little about them, they will eventually drive her crazy with those likeness and blah blah blah.
honestly, im confused with everything around me. i found out something that have been seriously kept away from me. i cursed myself for being idiot and look for the answer. now, im fully filled with guilt and my head is spinning round.
this is not the ending i want...why on earth do i have to hurt everyone? i somehow wish i have the look when im in form1 where im nerdy, ugly and dumb gal with no one to love and care...arent life more beautiful that way?